Can you pick out the Trump devotee's actual impeachment hearing statements from the ones we made up?

This week, Rep. Jim Jordan, Alive’s reigning Worst Politician, further introduced himself to a national audience in taking on a lead Republican attack dog role in the impeachment hearings currently underway against President Donald Trump, receiving, um, mixed reviews in the process. (And still no sight of his jacket!)

Jordan, whose presence on the Intelligence Committee is a boon for fans of irony, spent most of his time on the microphone during day one claiming that not only was Trump innocent but that the president's actions have actually been laudable, nee, heroic! But can you guess which of the following things he actually said?

1. “Only Chairman Schiff knows who the whistleblower is. We won't. We will never get the chance to see the whistleblower raise his right hand, swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. We'll never get that chance. More importantly, the American people won't get that chance.”

2. “We haven’t seen a whistleblower this corrupt since refs didn’t call pass interference against the Rams in the 2018 NFC Championship game!”

3. “Ukraine is weak.”

4. “We’re talking Ukraine … one of the three most corrupt countries on the planet. Corruption is not just prevalent in Ukraine — it’s the system!”

 5. “President Trump has always been driven to root out corruption. ‘Drain the Swamp’ isn’t just some hollow mantra cheered at Make America Great Again rallies. It’s his raison d'etre.”

 6. “President Trump, who doesn’t like foreign aid, who wanted European countries to do more, who knew how corrupt Ukraine was, did more than Obama!” 

7. “Barack Hussein Obama.”

8. “I think this is a sad day for the country, but frankly a good day for the facts, and a good day for the president of the United States.” 

9. “I’ve always said that if you’re not being impeached then you’re not really doing your job.”

10. “We’ve got six people having four conversations in one sentence, and you just told me this is where you got your ‘clear understanding’ that the president had linked security assistance to investigations.”

11. “There were some people on a train. Nineteen people get off the train at the first stop. Seventeen people get on the train. Now there are 63 people on the train. How many people were on the train to begin with?”

12. “I’ve seen church prayer chains that are easier to understand than this.”

13. “While I have the microphone, I think it’s my moral duty to finally apologize for my tenure as an assistant wrestling coach at Ohio State University in the 1980s and '90s, for not speaking up forcefully about what I learned about the abuses experienced by wrestlers under my watch at the hands of team physician Dr. Richard Strauss — both at that point in time and in more recent months as the issue has been revived by new lawsuits. I realize that in the past I’ve disavowed allegations by former wrestlers, saying the complaints came from political partisans or people with a clear ‘vendetta’ against me, denying all of the charges — a claim wrestler Mike DiSabato described as ‘beyond comprehension’ in an interview with the Dayton Daily News. I wish I had done more to protect the wrestlers who spoke of ‘extensive groin examinations,' among other claims. It’s wrong that I let the issue linger as I have, introducing doubts about abuses that are difficult enough for anyone to speak up about. I intend to use the rest of my time in office, no, my time on the planet, to make amends for falling so short of some of the most basic human expectations. Thank you for your time, and may God, may she have mercy on me when Judgment Day arrives. Go Bucks.”

Actual quotes: 1, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12