Buckle up and dive in

A couple of times a year, it seems some list makes the rounds highlighting the general awfulness of Columbus drivers. Judging by a recent scourge of cars crashing into local buildings, these articles aren’t exactly wrong, either. Here’s a ranking of the 2019 accidents of which we’re aware (none of which resulted in fatalities or serious injuries; we’re not monsters).

6. A car crashes into a Grandview building

Not much detail here, but the missing driver did briefly make us think that the Rapture could be real.

5. A car crashes into two East Side homes

One of the rare times that two actually isn’t better than one.

4. A car crashes into the Clintonville Rusty Bucket

This one falls lower on the list because it didn’t even make the news, only arriving on our radar via a colleague who followed the drama on a neighborhood Facebook forum a couple of months back. After clarifying that there were no injuries, the forum posts took on the expected tone. “Glad there were no dogs on the patio,” one person wrote.

3. A car crashes into Massey’s Pizza Shop

No word on whether it was a Toyota RAVioli4 or perhaps a Toyota Pielander.

I’ll see myself out.

2. An SUV crashes into Jimmy V's Grill & Pub

Nobody was injured when an SUV crashed into the popular Westerville pub, which always reminds us of this still-great “Seinfeld” character.

1. An SUV crashes into Gravity

The new mixed-used Franklinton compound, which takes its name from that one John Mayer song (fact checkers: please confirm), has already attracted vehicles that appear drawn to it as if pulled in by some unseen force.