If you can read this, you're already participating in the meeting

Contrary to your ability to respond to anything I write on the internet, I do not, by and large, care what most people think. I write essays, not surveys. More, I wrote between 450 to 2000 words and you fired off a catty one-liner that still managed to have spelling errors. So my commitment typically ends with “send.” That said, I’d like to take a different tack this week in my usual interrogation of what Columbus is and isn’t.

I’d actually like us all to take a meeting, right here, right now.

I know: Meetings suck. But consider: Every meeting has the potential to change the world until it starts. Also, this one is different from other meetings. First, you can stay in your pajamas for this meeting. Plus, while we will have to communicate, we do not have to actually speak to one another. This is great because we don’t have to listen to each other against our wills, but it will make the work a little harder because we have to write everything we wish to convey. Nuance is not social media’s chief asset. In any event, if you’ve read this far then we have quorum, so let’s dive in. There is only one agenda item:


Discussion: If there were one thing that everyone in the city could do at roughly the same time to improve life in the city, what would it be?

1. Qualifiers
a. “One thing” = an act, not an ongoing series of acts. Columbus is notoriously comfortable (read, civically disengaged), so we’ll be doing good to get everybody on board for something that isn’t a potato salad Kickstarter.

b. “Everyone” = everyone able, then willing, to participate. It would be nice if, say, a homeless person could do the same thing as the mayor, but I am not requiring that as a prerequisite for your suggestion. With great resources comes great responsibility, and if we’re honest, this charge is really aimed at you, the readers of this column. You’re the cool kids. And since Columbus Alive isn’t a print resource anymore, I’m not banking on everyone having access to this charge. You smelt the privilege, you dealt the privilege.

Other things you can do in your pajamas: stare out the window into The Columbus Gray; eat UDF ice cream you bought while getting gas; secretly binge-watch "The Blacklist"; sign up for our daily newsletter

c. “In the city” = the metro area. If you live in a suburb you’re still on the hook for this. (Point of information: This one is admittedly difficult because when it comes to caring about people we don’t know, Columbus is basically the miniaturized Kryptonian city of Kandor in a bottle with a soccer team.)

d. “Roughly the same time” = not a flash mob. Maybe not even in the same day. A thing all participants could do wherever they are and within enough time that, if it all happened at the same time, you might notice a change in the fabric of some element of city life.

e. “Improve life in the city” = even for people you don’t agree with, like or know. So whatever the activity is, it should be something that you can’t tap out of just because I still bother to vote, while you don’t because you’re already winning at colonization by a fat spread.

Got that, readers? For once I genuinely want to randomly hear what you think would improve life here that those of us with at least five bucks in our pockets can do at least once. Post it wherever you saw this column. I’ll endeavor to read all responses until I have to turn in my column next week ranking ambience in local board game stores (or whatever).