The Other Columbus: Four more things that deserve the Snyder Cut

There are worlds outside of the Justice League in which this Alive columnist would live for hours

Scott Woods
A worker makes chocolate dipped doughnuts at Resch's Bakery

After years of speculation about its existence, the Zack Snyder cut of the Justice League movie finally dropped with the weight of a large print version of the Bible.

The original cut of the film released in 2017 was more or less trashed on sight, but that was after Snyder left the production and execs called in Joss Whedon — whose career is composed of properties that are just corny enough that I never want to watch them — to pinch-hit. The new version clocks in at a dense four hours and, despite half of the movie being in slow motion, manages to dig much deeper into the characters and worlds of the first version. It is, hands down, a better film, and specifically because it had time to develop some fairly epic ideas. 

Sure, Marvel has been doing that consistently for the last 13 years, but who’s counting.

If making things four hours long is the key to improvement, then I have some suggestions for things I’d like to see get a similar treatment:

Resch’s Bakery making donuts

Everybody in Columbus has a favorite donut, and then they have a donut they love at Resch’s. Resch’s is hands-down the most respected donut in the city, and I would call off work to watch their crew make doughy confections.

Charlamagne Tha God getting jumped in the street

Honestly, you could give half of the stuff on WorldStarHipHop the Snyder treatment and I’d be down, but this incident is my top pick. Back in 2012, the controversy-stirring radio host was jumped outside of the station where he works by several men, one of whom acted as bait with a camera to get his attention. Charlamagne was able to escape serious harm, but I wouldn’t mind a remix where we just get to see him earboxed for four hours.

Mayor Ginther trying not to use his catchphrase

If you’re partial to partaking in drinking games for the express purpose of getting drunk, propose a rigged game out of watching Mayor Ginther talk about development in the city without saying the line “neighborhoods, neighborhoods, neighborhoods.” You’ll be dizzy in 15 minutes.

The crushing of thousands of Marvel fan theories

My only actual superhero related entry. For nine episodes, the recently concluded Marvel series “WandaVision” had excitable comic geeks tossing out tons of theories, only to get to the end of the show and discover a compelling but standard character study on grief. I took particular delight in observing the pilot light winking out on so many grandiose pitches — so much that I’d love to watch hour after hour of the promising ascension and inevitable demise of a million smarter-than-thou comic book fans.