The Daily Show: America's tweetheart
I've spent a lot of time poring through all 250,000 pages of the Wikileaks dump. What?! That's what they're calling it.
Turns out I was just wasting my time - somebody's already taken the trouble to boil it all down to 140 characters or less.
Sarah Palin tweeted, "Inexplicable: I recently won in court to stop my book, 'America by Heart' from being leaked, but US Govt can't stop Wikileaks' treasonous act."
Wow, that is such a good point! Except that Wikileaks in based in Sweden and its founder, Julian Assange, is Australian. So you can't really charge them with treason against America because they're not American.
Now, maybe she meant that the American who leaked the documents was committing treason. That's a fine distinction she was unfortunately unable to make because she was forced to use 18 of her precious 140 characters to get in the full title of her book.
Which, totally coincidentally, is on sale right now. Not that I would accuse the ex-governor of using a political issue to shamelessly plug her book.
Although if you do enjoy scurrilous accusations like that, you're going to love "Earth (The Book)" - the book we at "The Daily Show" love.
"Earth (The Book)" is full of cheap characterizations and countless so-called "jokes" and makes a great Christmas present. Buy two! You'll thank yourself later.
All right, now where was I? Oh, right. Sarah Palin tweets a lot, and I admit that seems kind of silly to me. I wonder what her response to that would be.
"I just tweet; that's the way I roll," said one Palin tweet.
When did she become Snoop Dogg? She's the coolest grandma on the block.
Palin, of course, took to Twitter to bypass the "lamestream media," which is why the "lamestream media" is like a teenager boy with a crush on the stuck-up girl who hates him and is now utterly fascinated by everything she tweets.
No matter how much you talk about her, it's not going to make her like you. It just makes you look desperate.
See, what makes the Palin tweet so special is the sometimes zen-like profundity. Take, for example: "Make TX cuts perm; quit punishing work ethic. Swallow w/promising Obama the credit whatever it takes to break impasse & save US jobs/economy."
There's also: "Thank U C4P! 'Ordinary barbarian' in the windy city 2 get that second wind/celebrate mid-term vote/gear up 2 hold'em accountable! Luv U guys."
You don't know what that means? Well, if you have to ask it's just going over your head. See, she's like an American Confucius, or maybe more like a confused American.
Or maybe I'm being too hard on her - she's not the first ambitious politician to over-rely on Twitter.
Who could forget Abraham Lincoln's famous Twittersburg Address, "4 scor & 7 yrs ago: nu nation, all men =! Now civil war :(. But! Not die in vain. Gr8 task b4 us: Gvt of-by4-ppl not perish frm earth!"
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