The Daily Show: The Madison Men

Staff Writer
Columbus Alive

Back in 2010, conservative Republican Scott Walker was elected governor of Wisconsin by a margin of 52 percent to 46 percent over Democrat Tom Barrett. Well, it wasn’t long before Walker slashed budgets, constrained unions and did the kind of crap you’d expect a conservative politician to do.

Then the people of Wisconsin said, “Wait, what?! You never said you’d be this conservative Republicany!” They moved to recall him like a lead-painted toy made in a non-union Chinese sweat shop.

After 18 months, a million petition signatures and $50 million, Gov. Walker would have to face the consequences of his tyrannical behavior and feel the wrath of a vengeful Wisconsin electorate.

“Scott Walker remains governor, beating Democratic challenger Tom Barrett 53 percent to 46 percent,” CBS News reported.

Yes, the people have spoken, saying, “Oh, I’m sorry you didn’t hear us the first time? Yeah, we said we like the tyranty, union-cutting guy. He’s our guy, like we said so many months ago.”

As has now become customary, the 24-hour news networks function less as repositories of news and analysis and more as extensions of the winning and losing campaigns. Fox News went with Gloat-Fest 2012.

“Obama’s goose is cooked,” said Fox News correspondent Sarah Palin.

So, if Fox News was high, MSNBC must be MSNB-Sad.

“To say that I’m shocked and stunned would be an understatement,” said MSNBC’s Ed Schultz.

Shocked and stunned” is an understatement. No, it feels tonight more like my heart wasbanged by the devil. No wait, that’s an overstatement. Tonight I feel somewhere between shocked, stunned and devil heart-banged.

Indeed, MSNBC passed through all the stages of grief last night, with the first stage being denial.

“You know NBC is calling it for Walker. OK, I think it’s awful close, and there’s a lot of absentee ballots that are still out,” Schultz said.

Yeah, no. Stage two? More denial.

“This will not be a massive win for Scott Walker,” said another MSNBC reporter.

Uh, yeah it was. And finally, stage three was just massive amounts of industrial-grade denial.

“Tonight the really big winner in the Wisconsin recall election is President Obama,” Chris Matthews said.

Yup, just like Obama drew it up on the chalkboard. Hey guys, I’ve got an idea. What if we could figure out a way to have the core of what we believe be soundly rejected just five months before the election? It might just be the boost we need.

But as in any statewide recall election, it’s not who wins or loses; it’s the definitive conclusions we can infer from it.

“If Republicans can use policy at the state level to kill unions, there will no longer be two sides competing when it comes to big money and elections. Republicans will be essentially be running unopposed, forever, all across the country,” Rachel Maddow said.

Way to go, Wisconsin! You killed democracy!